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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.