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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.