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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.