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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.