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I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
I need something that`s more than coffee but less than cocaine.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.