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If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.