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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
why me is me ?
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
facebooked yo mama!!!
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.