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Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
Limbo champion walks into a bar...he`s disqualified.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
To settle an argument, think about why you are wrong and why she has boobs.