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Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!