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I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
A man is as faithful as his options
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards