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My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
At least a stalker is there for you.