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To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem