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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?