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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now Iām gonna be up all night worrying.
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.