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Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I`m 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.