Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m now fit to make my regular annual resolution. The accomplishment is the problem
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
I hate when I`m admiring my good looks from a car`s window reflection and the people inside think I`m staring at them.
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.