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Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
I accidentally ran over my neighbour`s cat........... Nine times....... just in case
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
My therapist just offered me my money back.
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas