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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
Safe words are for quitters.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up