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I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"
What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to "like" cream cheese on Facebook?
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.