Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
Why has no one invented a button next to snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?