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Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?