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The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.