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Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."