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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
Part of me says I can´t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don´t listen to that guy. He´s drunk."
In theory, sex should be grosser than letting someone borrow your toothbrush, but it`s not.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.