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Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
FYI: Push-up bras don`t actually help you do more push-ups :(
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
What do women say when they are actually fine?
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing Domino`s."