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I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
I’m bored enough to clean.
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business