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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(