Daily Silly Status

I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers

Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.

HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T

Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.

I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...

that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!

I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!

Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?

“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.

I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.

I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.

People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.

when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!

So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.

I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.