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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
Hash browns not tags.
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...