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Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
If you are really bored, I recommend mass texting all of your exes "I`m ready to give it another shot" and then get ready for the ride of your life
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.