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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
My mind has a mind of its own.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.