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Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
I need new swear words.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.