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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
It takes me like three days to wake up in the morning.
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.