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I like the part of the day when food happens.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.