Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
i like boobs