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Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
The best time to re-examine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.