Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.