Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My internet was down for almost 4 mins, Iām ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
I`m an optimist. I didn`t lose a sock in the dryer. I found an extra one!
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
I don`t know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
A word to the wise isn`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science