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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...