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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.