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I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
Iām simply on reserve for the one who deserves
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.