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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
awesome collection!
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.