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Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
Trying to untwist a twizzler is a real b*tch and this gas station cashier yelling at me isn`t helping.
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.