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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
It only takes 2 ingredients to make a baby. Does that not blow your mind. Like at least there should be some flour or something.
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?