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I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
If you really want to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.