Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.