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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
If you can’t face it, moon it.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
is ready to have one too many!