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A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
The future is much like the present, only longer.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.