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If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"