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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.