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If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
This post is just for you.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.