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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
When reality kicks in… add more booze.