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I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.